just tell him i said nine months
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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