He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
