when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
