I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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