Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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