it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
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