Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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