I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
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