i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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