i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
