Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
