Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
