my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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