i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
