I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
