bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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