I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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