Whoa Z and x make the same sound
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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