last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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