I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize