wrigley field is MILF paradise
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
