I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize