is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
