Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
