Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
