Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
