ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
