I like to think it a success when the cops are called
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
