gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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