New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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