I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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