I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
