talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
