Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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