She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
