I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
