I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
