just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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