my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
