I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
