she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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