He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
