she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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