one two three fourrrrnication!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
