I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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