she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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