if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
