Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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