i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
