I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
