there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
