You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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