I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize