i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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