Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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