She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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