I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
