DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
