...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
