I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
