i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
