I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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