Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
