I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
