So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
